Well everyone, it's been a fun couple of years, but the time has finally come for Seattle Bubble to throw in the towel.
Of course, I don't just mean "special" as in "isn't it nice to live in a place with such delightful weather, exciting sports teams, and enlightened liberal politics that have solved all of our social problems." Sure, those things are great, but lots of cities can make the same claims (San Francisco, New York, etc.). No, in order to truly understand why real estate prices in Seattle will never go down, one must consider so much more.
Indisputable facts that make Seattle the most specialest place on the planet:
- Every single house sold has stunning views of Mount Rainer, The Olympics, Puget Sound, and at least three lakes.
- The Microsoft money factory in Redmond runs non-stop, printing millions of hundred-dollar bills every hour, which are loaded into Boeing planes and dropped from the sky daily, scattering the free money to all homeowners.
- Every homeowner is issued a brand new pretty pink pony at closing. (Thanks, Chris)
- The waters of all the rivers and lakes contain healing powers that extend life indefinitely, thus allowing homeowners to take on increasingly longer-term loans. This will inevitably lead to the "forever loan," in which principal is never paid down, only interest paid, while the homeowner merely kicks back and enjoys the unending benefits of double-digit appreciation.
- Thanks to Growth Management, not only is it true that "they're not making any more land," but in Seattle, the available land is actually shrinking daily! By 2050, the only buildable land will be within a five-block radius of the Space Needle. 2,000-story ultra-luxury condos will be erected, which will range in cost from $500 trillion dollars for a 50 square foot "sleep pod" to $42 septillion for the 500 square foot "presidential suite."
- Stunning rainbows fill the sky every afternoon (see above).
It is time for this blogger to face the facts: Seattle home ownership is the path to indescribable happiness and untold riches. That's why I'm closing this blog, quitting my job, becoming a full-time Seattle-area home buyer, and recommending that all my readers do the same.